The Final Countdown

- When were you most happy?
- Now.
- And when were you least happy?
- Now.
(The English Patient)

And so it has come, the day before I get on a plane to fly out to a "new life" in Vancouver. And with it has come all the usual traumas: trying to get my luggage into bags which Air Canada will actually allow to pass through check-in, recording all my music so I don't go bonkers without it, finding out that a lot of things are still in the wash, and realising why someone I care about recently said that they would never move countries because of all the hassle. Though wishing they were wrong.

People keep saying how brave I am, or how they could never do the same thing I am doing. This works two ways. I can't believe that I have some inner strength not present in others that allows me to do something this drastic and still remain sane. Which could spell disaster for me. But then they may just not yet have found the courage to break away from the rut they are in and try something else. Whilst this is the case, I am also not sure that I am as strong as people think. Booking the tickets was so far away from actually leaving that it seemed like a fairly easy process - anyone could do it. Even the arranging of accommodation, money, jobs etc is not seeming too bad. But where I think I may well let my admirers down is in the human element. I hadn't reckoned with the emotional upheaval of leaving, especially after recent events. It seems impossible to tell anyone I talk to how I really feel about this move, without them saying hollow (but understandably optimistic) things such as "It'll pass" or "You'll soon be enjoying it." Am I really strong enough to cope? We'll soon see.

This page is not going to be full of witty comments, debates on recent events or original thought. It's just going to be me. Sorry. Hopefully I shall soon be telling you how wonderful I am feeling, and how the city is everything I imagined. But be prepared for the odd moment of self-pity.....