Rethinking my future?

Today we gave in to food in a big way. After getting up at a sensible hour but not making it out of the house until nearly noon, we headed out to Trof in Manchester for some very late breakfast, and a slice of their fantastic chocolate cake. Then on to Lyme Park, which for those who have seen Pride and Prejudice (the version with Colin Firth) is what doubled as Pemberley Hall. Think Mr Darcy emerging out of the water in a dripping shirt. Need I say more?

Then back to Manchester to the all you can eat Chinese Buffet in town, with Greg, Denise, Eddie, Marlisa and Jeannine. More food (I am ashamed to say that despite the fantastic nature of the place, I could only manage one plateful, since my stomach had still not recovered from Trof some hours before. And for the first time in the history of my visits there, I didn't have dessert!). It was fab to see people I haven't seen for six months though, even if I did spend most of the time in an MSG stupor....

This evening has been spent chilling out, talking, and watching multiple episodes of Celebrity Jeopardy spoofs. And eating sugary alphabet letters, bought from a little sweet shop in York yesterday. I probably won't be able to sleep now, even though I am really tired. I should check all your blogs, but I apologise; I haven't done so for days. You could all have won the lottery or something and I wouldn't know it. Send me some money if so, please :o)

Being here has made me realise that in fact, I do miss England. I think you need some time away from it to appreciate what it's like when you come back. Even though I haven't caught up with half my friends yet, I have been reminded how great they all are, and how much I missed them when I was in Canada. I am seriously thinking about moving back here (maybe not Manchester, but somewhere in England) after September, depending on whether I have found some fantastic job in Vancouver or not in the meantime, and spending another couple of years here before moving back to Canada permanently. My parents want to retire out there, so it would be good to go with them, but at the moment I am not sure that Canada is the place I see my future. A cop-out? Perhaps, but one should always try new things.

A random thought just now (whilst lying here waiting for sleep to come) has made me realise that much of the hurt in my post the other day (the Million Dollar question) may have concealed other feelings; anger, jealousy, and also fear. I no doubt came across as rather scathing concerning the guy whose behaviour I questioned. Whilst it is true that I am upset about the events that unfolded, I must make it clear that there was (and I trust myself on this one) no malice in his actions, and that he did not in any way set out to cause trouble. I am hurt mostly (since Greg asked) by the fact that I hate losing friends, and that I feel like I can't continue to be friends with him while I am confused by his actions. I also miss him deeply, and being in England and therefore not particularly far away from him is extremely hard. I would very much like to see him and give him a big hug, and probably sob for a bit too. However I am stopped by pride and the feeling that this would only mean letting myself in for more potential heartache. All of which combines to make mine a very miserable feeling, which so far I think I am doing damn well to supress. At least I was until I wrote this post. So I guess bed should be the next action. Goodnight.