I love Terry Wogan

Well I may be a good few thousand miles away, but I just couldn't miss the Eurovision song contest, could I? With the wonders of the Internet, it is now accessible even to us Canadians, so that we too can share in the sheer hideousness of all those countries trying to sing a decent song. For those of you who haven't seen Eurovision before, think of the worst songs you can imagine, dress them up in some skimpy costumes, translate them into a few different languages and then put them together on one night, live and with some really terrible presenters. It's an evening of sheer awfulness, in a really fun and cheesy way. Definitely worth watching.

Anyway, the best thing about the net is that I got to listen to Terry Wogan's commentary, which is fantastic, because he basically gets drunk and is extremely rude about the songs and the contestants. It's actually better than the event itself. Just so you can share some of the atmosphere of the evening, let me treat you to the best of his quotes from the last three and a half hours.........

* "Here is the UK entry, Javine, with 'Touch My Fire' - kids, don't do that at home."
* (On the female host of the show) "Stop shrieking! This woman doesn't need a microphone. She wasn't picked for her voice, was she? Who are those two, Donner and Blitzen? Ant and Dec? Pinky and Perky?"
* "Turkey have gone for the bizarre once too often with that dance."
* (On one of the contestants thanking the crowd after singing) "Please stop shouting, your turn's over. Get your hair cut!"
* "God knows what those semi-finals were like if this made it through."
* "You know what's coming - some saucy lifting of skirts, and this time, as a bonus, some bounding about."
* "I could have sworn I heard a fiddler on the roof in this.....any sign of Topol?"
* "It's an awful shame that Sweden can't get any good looking girls to sing for them, rather than him."
* (Reading a lyric) "Oh for heaven's sake......"
* "Wasn't that awful, everybody?"
* "If half the women here tonight don't go home with a chill in their kidneys, I'll eat my hat - there's a breeze up on that stage that'll cut you in two...."
* "There's a woman in the audience who must have the flag of all nations in her drawers, as she's up for every song with every flag......"
* (On one of the entries) "Two refugees from a boy band........."
* (When Cyprus are voting, having just given four points to a near neighbour) "Don't look now, but there might be an element of tactical voting going on."
* (After Cyprus give five points to the UK) "I will not hear a word against the Cypriots."